come closer.

another day is over.

took a bus back home. no one's at home and therefore no dinner at home. its was dark and gloomy. Such a night it was.

As i sat alone listening to my mp3 player, i heard Damien Rice's Blower's Daughter. It brought back many fond memories from the past. Joyful moments, stupid thoughts and even some nasty words. A wave of anguish and saddness overwhelmed me. the taste of salt long forgetten, was familar and strong.

I asked myself why. Why, languish in unforgiving sadness and sorrow. To that, I have no answer.

On one hand, i want to move on, be myself, meet people, fall in love, and live.
On the other hand, the outstretch memories from the past clings so dearly.

Worst still, is knowing that if i ever want to be back with her, i can't want her. But to let her go, and be myself. But, I am afraid. I am afraid that by doing that, i would lose her forever. That, I will give my heart away.

Several people have walked into my life recently, to some whom i feel attached. Its there, but it can't be there. Aporia.

Sometimes, i wonder, is it because i am upset because i lost someone dear, or because i am alone. I do feel alone. but i do not know why i should be upset.

Shannon Jumps. [catch 22]
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postscript:
Guys, if you read this, its because you are dear to me. So, just let me rant about my life. I do not need publicity nor sympathy. Just let me know that i will be fine k. thanks.

listening to some songs that a close friend sent to me. he, too, is nursing a broken heart. salt tastes bad after awhile.

pang. death by a love song.

Love by kahili gibran

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for yourr growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sarced fire,
that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

All these thins shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love us sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart, " but rather, "I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfil iteself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these by your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

--------------------------------
postscript:

don't cry, wipe the tears from your eyes...
nowhere to run, nowhere to hide....
no screaming, silent screaming....
tonight , close your eyes...
dream...

what do you remember?

Photographs.
Memories preserved in time

Like a gateway to the past.
Transcending time and space

Opening a window to your history.
Connecting you to your heritage

Every photo tells a story.
Each story has different characters

Each character has a name, a life, and a history.
Each character has a connection and relation.

Reminisce the remembrance
Leave a legacy for the generations

----------------------------------------
postscript:: I want to take photos. I need to sell my ass for the cash.

one last first kiss

"how's lucy?"
"Wouldn't it be nice if we are older... " by Beach Boys.

I want that.
affinity.

what the hell... take the plunge.

get to know yourself better

Get to know yourself better

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education:
You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

from J's
http://quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

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postscript: hmm.. generic response or is there some truth to it? you tell me.

latent feeling

"latent feeling creeps not crawls.
stealth and slient, the mind is filled."
caderyn

---------------------------
postscript: like the roots of a tree, hope binds you to the earth. while the roots of life spreads, the crown flourishes. i love trees. living on. always.

mayday. peter and mary.

Stranded in the night with my broken glasses, watching cars go past, as I hopelessly try to restart mine. Cause of fatality, a dead battery. Reason for predicament, a foolish soul, too much beer and too much time.

Cold. Not from the night, but from the heart. Sleep was the last thing on my mind, but first for hers. She invited me in, but didn't she understand why i couldn't and wouldn't? How much love is love? Why didnt she do a second take when i said no? I wonder did she had a good night's rest? Apparently so, as the cold has told me.

The affinity has ended. Heaven has interceded, but the devil has won, and the path of decadence is slowly being paved.

Life has an amazing way to fuck you upside down and inside out, doesn’t it?

I think I should be entering a new phase of life from now.
Player mode on.